Cucumbers released after mistaken identity by Michael Colman
This week in Lubeck cucumbers were released from custody in a clear case of mistaken identity following the confession of a batch of bean sprouts in causing the recent e-coli outbreak.
The cucumbers had been interrogated by German police and a psychiatrist who had seen the cucumbers as attention seekers suffering from low self esteem caused by photographers preferring to use lettuce, radicchio and rocket in magazine adverts for healthy food.
“We are cool”, yelled the angry cucumbers as they left custody but waiting paparazzi still ignored them and took pictures of the psychiatrist and the police sergeant.
Following a police apology one of the vegetables said it would be difficult to return home and face relatives back at the greenhouse in Spain.
Meanwhile a cucumber who introduced herself as Ms. Cutie, keen to enjoy her fifteen minutes of fame, posed provocatively hoping to secure a gig with an English tabloid or Premiership footballer.
Earlier she had protested she thought it impossible for police officers to mistake her firm silky green skin for that of a pale insignificant misshapen bean sprout.
As they were driven away one cucumber enquired to their destination. “Lunch”, replied the officer; “I know a good salad bar”.
First Shown on London Festival Fringe 6 June 2011
http://www.londonfestivalfringe.com/general/post/?p=9470&type=
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